Have you ever looked back at a trying time in your life and thought, "I don't know how I did it"?
***
Looking back at it, I don't know how I did it.
There were times when I had two kids under 4 and didn't have money for groceries.
There were times when I had three jobs and no car; to make all my bus connections, I had to leave the house two hours before my first shift started.
There was a time that I was scheduled to write the LSAT 2 hours away and the girls' dad didn't show up to watch them AND took off with the car.
(I knew that would happen and had a back-up plan and yes ma'am I aced that test).
There were times when my ex was secretly entering my house when I wasn't home.
There were times when I worked full-time, had a house full of kids including a colicky baby who threw up all the time, and didn't have a washing machine. We spent every Saturday at the laundromat and Sundays shopping and cooking. No rest. Just grinding. And not in the way that the grinders on Twitter acknowledge or celebrate.
There were times that I pulled over on the side of the road after I dropped the kids at daycare, bawled, and then drove to work feeling like I'd already worked a full day before it even started.
And every time, I got us through.
I painted furniture I found in an alley and sold them on Craigslist
I swapped childcare with another mom who worked so neither of us had to pay for full-time daycare
I got a plot at a community garden
I got a better job
I got a $1,600 car on credit and paid it off a week later
I started a website and wrote blog post after the kids went to bed; that turned into writing contracts. That turned into a business. That turned into power and self-determination
When I look at those circumstances, and what I managed to create in the midst of them, truly I don't know how I did it.
***
"I don't know how I did it" is an indicator of a miracle.
And nearly every woman I know, especially the ones who navigate life with more than one marginalization, has a story -- or stories! -- like this.
They survived something extraordinary.
They continue to survive something ordinary (lack of resources and support? microagressions? discrimination? All totally ordinary...and UNJUST).
They got out of the corner they were backed into and took everyone they cared about with them.
They broke toxic patterns and generational curses.
They made something out of nothing.
They made miracles.
We are the miracle makers.
***
This is why, when Anjali Nath of Liberation Spring told me a few years ago that our cultural narrative around money was a lie, that poor people aren't 'bad with money', and in fact, the people with the fewest resources are actually the most brilliant, creative, and inventive with those resources, I sighed with relief. I recognized the truth and I saw myself differently.
That's the power of a feminist reframe.
It gets you out of shame, into the truth, and into your power.
So you can see yourself as the miracle maker you truly are.
The truth is, when I didn’t have money, I was freaking ingenious with it.
I stretched money and time like Madeline L'Engle and fit way more into 24 hours than should have been possible. I took care of little people and loved them without breaking them even as the world tried to break me. I don't know how I did it.
But I did. I made miracles.
That's what we do.
We are the miracle makers and the culture makers.
***
Wherever you are, whatever you're dreaming of, even if you don't have all the pieces yet, even if you're not sure you have the skills or the resources...
If there's a time in your life that you look back on and think "I don't know how I did it", then you already have what it takes to make your next thing possible.
***
The truth is, you don't have to join a mastermind or a circle or get coaching or take a high-priced program to make an impact or make your dreams come true.
You already have the miracle-making capacity inside of you.
And...when I think of my earlier career and the earlier stages of my liberation, I wish I'd had two things:
More emotional support and access to opportunities
Less shame
When I was doing everything myself, before I'd really built out my feminist and systemic analysis, I was often in the grip of shame. I felt ashamed because I was struggling for cash and our culture says that means I must have a poor character and be 'bad with money'; I didn't want the people in my life to know how apparently defective I was.
Same with career stuff: I didn't tell people when I was struggling or what I needed, because I worried they'd think I wasn't good at my work or was a bad entrepreneur. So I suffered in shame and silence.
And now I know that if I'd been embedded in a community of fellow miracle-makers and culture-makers, I would have gotten out of those self-shaming cul-de-sacs and traps and travelled farther, faster.
Now that I am part of feminist networks and rich feminist friendships, I have trusted people I can ‘fess up my insecurities to, and who counsel me on how normal and predictable those feelings are (which instantly dissolves shame!). Opportunities come easily to me and I can offer them to others, too. I tell someone what I need, and someone has an intro. Or they're out in the world and see an opportunity for me, and make the connection. Or they learn something I need to know, and they share it with me.
And vice versa. Being part of a collective, culture-making ecosystem is pure career jet fuel for all of us.
Not to mention how it improves your mental health.
So you don't NEED to join yet another course —especially one you’re not going to complete — to learn the skills you need to thrive. You're a miracle maker and you already have what it takes.
AND…if you’ve got a dream and if you want something different for yourself and all of us, please make sure that you travel with companions.
Find a few people — or one! — working on parallel projects and block out time to meet with them every week, no matter what.
Volunteer.
Show up for networking things.
That public invite on Twitter to show up at a certain place at a certain time and hang? GO. Allow yourself to be visible to people who want to help you
Say yes to lunch and coffee and zoom dates. OFFER THEM.
Plant yourself in a community of other people who will encourage each other and share opportunities and knowledge with each other and make sure none of us do this alone.
Every organism in an ecosystem thrives because it is an ecosystem.
Allow yourself to be nurtured by one (or many!).
And if you can’t find a healthy one, make one.
Like the miracle-maker you are.
#WeAreTheCultureMakers
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